Friday, 5am, December 1st 2028
Brisbane, Australia
Morning Radio Show Transcript

… and it’s top of the hour for all you early risers out there on this first day of summer, and what a cold one it is today! Let’s head across to the newsroom…

Thanks Danny, and yes, it’s a record breaking first day of summer in Brisbane with overnight temperatures once again dipping below zero in this freezing weather pattern that has been moving across the country over the past fortnight. It’s a cool 3 degrees right now in the city with an expected maximum of 12 degrees later in the day and a blizzard in the early evening.

Ice on the roads have once again caused havoc this morning with accidents on the Gateway and Pacific Motorways creating major delays for early morning traffic heading into the city.

And please remember that weather lockdowns are still in place across Queensland and so please stay within your area zones unless you have a valid pass to travel outside your area. Police fines have increased once again from today, and a zone violation will now cost you $8,378, plus five credits – so do the right thing for all of us, and for the planet, by staying in your zone to reduce your carbon footprint.

In other news, a university professor of meteorology in Victoria has been arrested for teaching his first year students the conspiracy theory that a Grand Solar Minimum is responsible for the spate of cold weather around the world and that CO2 is not responsible for our current climate emergency. The professor has also been charged with having a wood fireplace at his residence and actually using it during last winter’s scheduled power outages.

New technology is being trialed over the next few months that will hopefully create a permanent layer of light reflective particles in the stratosphere and thus reduce even further the planet heating effects of the sun. After a number of years of failed attempts by Bill Gates and other planet saviours, scientists believe they have exactly the right formula to blot out 50% of the sun permanently. Detractors of the earth-saving technology claim we are at the start of a mini ice age and this move will have dire consequences for all life on earth. But experts at the UN strongly denounce such fear mongering and encourage people to trust the science that is settled – the earth will burn up unless we blot out our killer sun.

New guidelines coming from the UN today highlight the concerning gap between our carbon output and the 2030 zero carbon goal. The guidelines specify tighter restrictions in the west for industry and individuals if we are going to reach zero carbon by 2030. This comes at the heals of a number of zero goals being announced by the UN: zero poverty, zero hunger, zero COVID-19, zero COVID-23, zero COVID-25, zero mpox, zero kids, zero meat, zero combustion engines, and zero opposition to all the zero goals, just to name a few.

The Swedish Minister of the Environment, Greta Thunberg, has told Australia to “Wake up!” And that we should be “ashamed of ourselves for lacking drastic and immediate action” to stamp out the last remaining cattle farms in the country. She called on all civilised Australians to shame any remaining barbarians who continue to support the beef industry, calling them “disgusting and immoral” with little conscience that they are completely destroying the planet. Thunberg has also recently released her new line of synthetic meats, “Greta Bights!” – a carbon neutral meat alternative made entirely from fungus mold – just released to The Australian market.

Well that’s it for the news at 5, I’ll be back in an hour, over to you Danny…