ADAMSTOWN, PITCAIRN ISLAND: Ardent right-wing politician, and recently Mayor of Adamstown, Gregory Straight, has remarkably escaped any serious difficulties after a massive right-hemisphere stroke according to the attending neurologist. Mr Straight woke up on Tuesday morning with slurred speech and left-side paralysis.

After a weeks recovery, neurologist Dr. Kent said that Mr Straight was still suffering from major right hemisphere deficits that include: An inability to acknowledge anything on the left; an incapacity to recognise the big picture; always confabulating and never admitting that he doesn’t know or may be wrong; quite angry at times; takes only a short-term view of things; doesn’t seem to see things in context; treats people as objects; is unable to empathise; very focused on minute details on the right.

Consequently Mr Straight is able to perform his political duties exactly as he has been doing before the stroke. Reports from the mayors office are that Mr. Straight has already started back at work from his hospital bed, denying that there is anything wrong whatsoever.