The Unoffensive Playing Card Company (UPCC) has just released a new lineup of playing cards that’s sure to be a huge hit this holiday season.

Based on the traditional deck of cards, the new release  features gender neutral characters of no particular racial features or place in history, and to ensure total equity all the cards have exactly the same value.

“We have realised that the tradition of European, white, royal characters represent a history of oppression that we are not proud of,” explained CEO Malcolm-Y. “We also realised the complete limitation of the traditional deck of cards with its fixed, stereotypical values, and we knew we could do better.”

In the spirit of fluidity all of the cards in these new decks are wildcards, giving the player complete freedom to make the card whatever they like.

“So every card is a wildcard and is represented by the joker, or rather the trans-clown character we’ve created, because she’s fun, all of the rainbow, and can bravely be whatever orientation she likes,” Malcolm-Y told us in this exclusive interview with The Confounding Variable.

When asked how practical the new lineup of cards will be for the more traditional games played by such a deck of cards, Malcolm-Y just seemed confused.

“It’s about freedom of expression, it’s about being queer or whatever you want to be, and it’s about being free from oppressive white colonial supremacy, you know,” he informed us, spreading out a deck of cards, all identical wildcard trans-clowns.

We assume a new set of games will have to be created to use UPCC’s new decks. Some suggestions from the staff at The Confounding Variable were “Climate Poker”, “Injured Hearts”, “Vacs in Spades”, and “WWIII – The NATO Chronicles” – all requiring a copious number of queer wildcard clowns of dubious value and no relationship to anything sensible that’s gone before.