A new trend is emerging in education with the first school catering for children who identify as cats.

A new school in the heart of New York City is leading the way for children who identify as something other than human, a service that has been sadly lacking in the state until now. The Paediatric Awareness of Woke Status (PAWS) Institute has now established what it has called Cat Class – an open learning environment for feline inspired children of every age.

“This is a groundbreaking move for independent schools in New York, as we lead the way in equitable, non discriminatory education. We are fighting species discrimination head on,” said New York Governor Kathy (Kat) Hochul at the opening ceremony, flanked by minders dressed as cats. Kat also said the state supports every Otherkin (a term used by people who identify as partially or entirely nonhuman) represented in New York.

“Children who identify as cats have been misrepresented, tormented, and ridiculed by the extreme right of politics in this country and this must stop! We are providing a safe haven for these children, rescuing those who have strayed from the oppressive white twisted racist view of what it is to be human. Not all children identify as human and we think that should be held sacred,” said Miranda Donskoy, director of the new facility, as part of an impassioned plea for more state funding to expand the program.

When asked about diversity at the school, and if there were plans to integrate children who identify as dogs, Miranda was cautious. “Children who identify as cats are very sensitive creatures and we have to be careful who else we allow into the program. It’s for their safety,” she warned. When pressed on the point she admitted that children who identify as dogs may have psychological difficulties and a psychologist, rather than school, would be more appropriate help for them.

“During the testing phase of our school we did allow a child who identified as a sparrow into the class but it didn’t work out,” Miranda added to highlight the school’s dedication to diversity. Unverified reports from an unnamed parent seem to indicate that the sparrow child was severely mauled on her first day at the school and spent several weeks in intensive care recovering from her experience of the PAWS pilot program.

Children at PAWS learn a diverse range of skills such appropriate ways to use the kitty litter, grooming, how to cough a fur ball, and how to scratch the eyes out of a MAGA enthusiast. When asked about more traditional learning such as math and English, Miranda said the school is keeping any white privilege out of the classroom and focusing on identity. “One of our students, a York Chocolate, said to me the other day, ‘Cats can’t do maths can they Miss D?’ – it was so delightful to hear,” she recalled with a laugh. “Because Chocolate knows that realising your true self is so much more important than obscure artefacts of a failed insurrection of white supremacy,” she said suddenly pounding on her desk.

Raas Minskin is the school’s program developer and recent graduate from Stony Brook University’s School of Social Welfare. “The children love stories from the Black Panthers, studying the cat art of Théophile-Alexandre Steinlen, and of course we are very focused on grooming,” said Minskin. “We believe our program gives students the best opportunity to learn about social justice, tolerance, climate change, and the history of cat oppression, and we are only scratching the surface,” she added.

Child psychologist and media personality, James Stray, spoke out against the initiative on his popular YouTube channel We Are Binary by saying “these children are delusional, either as a result of trauma or some other social mechanism of stress or manipulation, causing them to retreat into an alter ego. They need therapy to deal with the underlying stressors and delusional thinking, not validation for what is clearly psychopathology.” Fortunately Dr Stray has since been de-platformed from YouTube and arrested by the FBI for acts of terrorism.

The PAWS Institute issued a response to Dr Stray’s inflammatory remarks by reassuring the public that being a cat, or any other Otherkin belief, is not a mental illness but rather a freedom of expression.

Miranda Donskoy promises more Cat Class initiatives will be rolled out across the state over the next 3 years as well as Bird Class, Fox Class, and a range of mixed species composite classes with a focus on keeping herbivores separate from carnivores as much as possible.