Author: Sam Confudere

Local Mayor Unhindered by Right Hemisphere Stroke

ADAMSTOWN, PITCAIRN ISLAND—Ardent right-wing politician, and recently Mayor of Adamstown, Gregory Straight, has remarkably escaped any serious difficulties after a massive right-hemisphere stroke according to the attending neurologist. Mr Straight woke up on Tuesday morning with slurred speech and left-side paralysis. After a weeks recovery, neurologist Dr. Kent said that Mr Straight was still suffering from major right hemisphere deficits that include: An inability to acknowledge anything on the left; an incapacity to recognise the big picture; always confabulating and never admitting that he doesn’t know or may be wrong; quite angry at times; takes only a short-term view...

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New Texting in Class Rules Revolutionises Schooling

LONGYEARBYEN, SVALBARD—In downtown Longyearbyen a breakthrough is taking place for the Norwegian education system. After years of school children hearing only muffled “wah wah” sounds from their teachers (a fact confirmed by the famous sociological study in children’s behaviour commonly known as Peanuts), the teachers at Longyearbyen have started communicating with their students via SMS. “There has been a remarkable change in the classroom as children actually respond to us,” says Inger, a 6th grade teacher at the Long Year Primary School. “It’s about meeting them where they are at, with a language they can understand,” he says. “Smartphones and...

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