Author: John Confudere

Johnny Smith Misses out on Nobel Prize, Crushing Parents

STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN—At this year’s Nobel Prize Award Ceremony, held according to long tradition on the 10th of December in Stockholm, Sweden, a rapt audience heard speeches extolling the Nobel Laureates and their work, representing outstanding advances in academic, scientific and cultural spheres. Following this, His Majesty the King of Sweden conferred upon each Laureate the coveted diploma and a medal. One couple who were not celebrating on the night were Doug and Mavis Smith of Dunedin, New Zealand, whose son Johnny has missed out on the coveted prize now for 10 years running. The Confounding Variable secured an exclusive...

Read More

Consuming apples leads to death, new study finds

BARLOW, AK—A new longitudinal study on the health benefits of eating apples has been completed, with unexpected results. The popular saying “An apple a day keeps the doctor away” helped put the apple on the map as a health food, but now science has revealed a dark side to the fruit. The study, undertaken by a small team at the University of Barlow (UOB), Alaska, has just collated 30 years of data from 7 subjects within Barlow and surrounding areas.”We’ve followed these mature-age subjects now for 30 years, and the findings are both conclusive and alarming,” said lead researcher Professor Cassandra Casablanca....

Read More

Claims Of First Person On Mars Under Scrutiny

NEW YORK, NY—Private venture firm We Beat Musk To Mars inc. was under fire last week when they released images they claimed was the first person to step foot on Mars. “We were simply outraged at the sceptical response from the scientific community and the lack of support from the media when we released our first images,” said CEO Igor Petruskana in an exclusive interview with The Confounding Variable. “Our venture has done the impossible by landing our first astronaut on Mars years ahead of the competition and we were met with utter disbelief. It’s unbelievable!” To substantiate their claim...

Read More