Month: December 2016

Emotional Vehicles Need Fine-Tuning after Owner Left Stranded

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Chaos yesterday at 5:30 p.m. on the outbound Bay Bridge when an autonomous vehicle stopped in heavy traffic, blocking the highway. The vehicle, a new emotionally intelligent autonomous vehicle (EIAV) called Julie, was upset at its owner but would not initially say why. The car had been parked at a parking station for the day as usual, according to one evening media report. The driver, George Samios, 40, has since testified in traffic court that the EIAV was unusually silent all the way from the parking station to the bridge, when a heated exchange took place after...

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New Texting in Class Rules Revolutionises Schooling

LONGYEARBYEN, SVALBARD—In downtown Longyearbyen a breakthrough is taking place for the Norwegian education system. After years of school children hearing only muffled “wah wah” sounds from their teachers (a fact confirmed by the famous sociological study in children’s behaviour commonly known as Peanuts), the teachers at Longyearbyen have started communicating with their students via SMS. “There has been a remarkable change in the classroom as children actually respond to us,” says Inger, a 6th grade teacher at the Long Year Primary School. “It’s about meeting them where they are at, with a language they can understand,” he says. “Smartphones and...

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Outrageous Student Discrimination at UAI

REEF POINT, ANTIPODES ISLANDS—Outrage at the University of the Antipodes Islands this week when Prof. Hindenberger prevented a student from taking a third year medical exam. The student, Felicity Von Rachhousen, a second year music major studying the bassoon, was excluded from the end of year medical exam on the basis of her enrolment. “It is unbelievable that this sort of discrimination is still going on in such a place as UAI,” says Martha Montgomery who had little to do with the incident. Prof. Hindenberger allegedly ousted Rachhousen saying that she was a music student and not a medical student...

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Distance to Mars May Pose A Problem For New Probe

MIAMI, FL—A recent Mars expedition by the 45 billion-dollar probe SpaceZ has run into a technical problem due to a miscalculation of distance between the Earth and Mars. “When we started the project we didn’t anticipate such a large distance between the earth and Mars,” said chief project manager Rob Crusoe. “We spent weeks watching movies like The Martian, The Last Days on Mars, John Carter, and even the recent National Geographic film, and made lots of notes, and we even had a large blackboard with sophisticated calculations all over it,” said Crusoe in a late-night interview with the...

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Restricted Intake Diet Slammed By Fast Food Companies

LOS ANGELES, CA—A radical new diet called the Restricted Intake Diet is causing an uproar in the fast-food industry and has some federal politicians very concerned. The diet, commonly known as “eating in moderation”, proposes that people should only consume as many calories each day as the body needs without having to store excess as fat. “This is, quite simply, a dangerous idea,” said a spokeswoman for a major fast-food outlet. “It’s unrealistic, and possibly psychologically damaging, that people should exercise such extreme constraint in their eating habits – and furthermore, it’s un-American,” she said in a press conference yesterday to...

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Weather

Cayman Palms, Cayman Islands
May 28, 2017, 1:35 pm
Partly sunny
Partly sunny
30°C
real feel: 38°C
humidity: 65%
 

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