SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA—Artificial intelligence lab The Big Prefrontal has had a major breakthrough in AI this week. After defeating the world champions in chess and go, the final frontier in AI domination is answering the age-old question, “So where have you been?”
For generations, males coming home late from work after a quick drink with the boys have been stumped by this seemingly simple question that greets them as they stumble through the front door. Unable to recall recent chronological, spacial and autobiographical information, the male worker is at a loss as to how to answer and often resorts to the more easily recalled information from before 5pm—”I’ve been at work!”
The Big Prefontal, after 2 years of developing simulated deep neural networks to answer the question of where male workers have been between 5pm and 7pm on a weeknight, have announced a major breakthrough.
“The AI we have developed is uncannily realistic,” says Prof. Goldmine, CEO of The Big Prefrontal. “We’ve put this technology into an app and have started clinical trials to see just how far we can take prefrontal augmentation in the typical male worker.” The app is installed on the smartphones of male workers and is activated as they approach their houses in the evening.
When the worker’s wife asks the inevitable question, “So where have you been!?” or “Do you realize what time it is?” and even “What the hell!?” the app will provide the wife with the appropriate answer. The data from the first trial has shown promising results: Two subjects were locked out of the house for an average of 3 hours, one was repeatedly beaten across the head with a copy of House & Garden, and one divorce has been filed.
“These outstanding results demonstrate the superior intelligence of the application in contrast with the cognitive impairment of the subjects,” said Goldmine. The company is now working on an even more complex question, “Why did I marry her?” Results are not expected for some time.